Well
Darling, you should know better, it’s not like people can just fuck around and
expect something good to come from it. I know you had illusions of having built
solid relations and that you really had friends that were like a family, that
everything was blue and gold, just perfect and neat. Even if you swore and you
felt so determined not to fall in love. But at the end that’s the mistake of
sleeping with someone that’s so close to you. It may go wrong. You may end up
having feelings you don’t want to, that you try to suppress with all your might…
You loose the independence that brought you there the first place. You get attached;
you remain stuck to this place where somehow you found sense in what you were
doing. Now you need to gather your best arsenal and fight yourself. You may suffer
while doing it but that’s what should be done. That and never go back to that
lovely French city you once thought to be a safe place, so far from what was
harming you, not knowing that actually, you’re taking that pain with you all
along.
_______________
Writer's note: This is the result of a writing exercise using words provided by two people, back when I was living in Milan, at Rossi Bonardi's. I had several drafts of texts using the list of words they gave me, some much better than this one. But tonight I needed to let go of all of it: the list, the people, the memories, the pain. Of course that none will go away that easily, but time is the best medicine and meanwhile I fulfilled my task. Not writing is painful but writing is even more. Just what you need before start healing.
